Machete Hacks ‘em Up Good

Machete Hacks ‘em Up Good

Static Mass Rating: 4/5

Release Date: November 26th, 2010
Certificate: 18
Running Time: 105 minutes
Language: Swedish with English subtitles

Director: Ethan Maniquis, Robert Rodriguez

Cast: Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Steven Seagal, Michelle Rodriguez, Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson, Shea Whigham, Lindsay Lohan, Daryl Sabara, Gilbert Trejo

When Machete first turned up in the series of fake trailers produced by Robert Rodriguez as part of his and Quentin Tarantino’s tribute to B-movies, Grindhouse (2007) fans were eager to see the movie made for real.

Now three years later, the movie finally arrives! Starring Danny Trejo as Machete, a man with a bloody, bloody past; he is a former renegade Mexican Federale, whose wife and child were killed by the powerful sword-wielding drug lord, Rogelio Torrez (Steven Seagal).

Machete, now living in Texas, takes on yard work wherever he can find it. A man called Booth (Jeff Fahey), thinking he’s just another yard worker, offers him a briefcase filled with cash if he agrees to kill corrupt Senator McLaughlin (Robert De Niro). At first he refuses, but when his life is threatened, he reluctantly agrees.

The assassination turns out to be a double cross. Booth works for McLaughlin and frames him for attempted murder which works in the senator’s favour, turning the polls around and getting voters to support his policies illegal immigration. Machete, of course, goes out for blood and lives up to his name. Armed with anything sharp and double-edged, he delivers his own brand of justice while at the same time liberating Mexicans from drug lords and corrupt politicians who prefer to shoot them if they can’t deport them.

Along the way he meets some very beautiful women; Agent Sartana Rivera (Jessica Alba), an agent in the Department of Immigration and Customs Enforcement determined to work her way up, Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), the taco-lady who see red when there’s injustice, and April (Lindsay Lohan), Booth’s promiscuous drug-addict daughter.

Machete (2010)

Gore, girls and knives, Machete is tough with the action and good with the laughs all the way in the vein of Asian movies such as John Woo’s Hard Boiled (1992) and The Killer (1989) but with a distinctive Latin flavour.

There are some great lines along the way as well. When Sartana is upset that she hasn’t heard from Machete who hasn’t called or texted, he delivers the line “Machete don’t text!” which is funny for so many reason, but mostly because I can’t stop thinking there’s going to be an Orange advert somewhere with Trejo and Mr. Dresden (Brennan Brown)!

It’s also great to see Seagal back on the big screen. The last time was Exit Wounds (2001) and before that, Executive Decision (1996) and since then he has made a series of direct-to-video releases. De Niro gives an excellent performance and adds some comic relief with his role of the corrupt senator and it’s great to see the seasoned actor having so much fun!

You might also be interested in these articles:

Sarah Butler dishes out the vengence Steven R. Monroe’s remake of Meir Zarchi’s notorious video nasty. Brutal and harrowing experience and it takes no prisoners.

Set in Roman times with Spartacus (Andy Whitfield), a Thracian warrior, forced into fighting as a gladiator in the arena. He leads a revolt to set himself and the rest of Rome free.

South Korean fantasy/comedy Woochi The Demon Slayer is about a prankster wizard and his sidekick dog-turned-human slaying demons in the past and in the present.

This slick and intelligent Spanish horror film is from the makers of The Orphanage. But its many good ideas don’t quite offset some cliché and preposterous schmaltz.

Debs Gardner-Paterson directs a beautifully told story of three Rwandan kids on their way to the World Cup in South Africa but end up on a different adventure.