Jesse’s Lost Journal — by Mark Patton

The night was cold, I had been sitting with Lisa for almost 20 hours… she was cold now, the fire was gone, the blood dried and I waited in the silence.

When the police finally arrived they came quietly, which was a blessing. The men were very nice and they ask me to get into the car. I did. I remember thinking it was strange that they did not cuff me but I now know that they were afraid to touch me.

You see, the story had already been decided, the Coach dying after meeting me in a gay bar (yes, now it had become a GAY BAR). They had my first journal, Ron dying after we had been in the same bed and now Lisa. The press and the public would decide that I was a self hating fag that killed Ron because he rejected me and Lisa because I hated women.

They were afraid to touch me because of the blood. AIDS… so sad.

I was happy for the silence though and I still can remember it as it was the last I would have for a long time. As I was driven to the station the noise began… first with the sirens and then the questions began. I will not bore you with the Q and A as it has all been said before. Obviously Officer A had watched an awful lot of Hill Street Blues. I told him my story and he called a shrink, her name was Henry, I like girls with boys’ names so we hit it off.

She said she understood my situation and my story but we would need to chat about that more (chat about that more…funny). Henry knew that I was very calm but after admitting me to my hospital cell had Johnson (that is the nurse, very cute and sweet…very strong… different time, different place… had to be careful or he would be dead too… as Mr K was getting restless and he could feel the energy… now that is a little gay… here I am being detained in a psych ward in prison for multiple murders and I had the presence of mind to think I would date the guard under different circumstances… goes to show, at least I do not have to try and hide myself now) sedate me, I slipped away.

Because of Johnson you have the early journals, his kindness was always welcome and he supplied me with paper, art supplies and so on…

As I slept, the hell increased for my family. The house was tented and they were put on the street… I think I will sleep now; I can do that without fear now.

More tomorrow, I feel better about talking to you now.