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Jesse’s Lost Journal — by Mark Patton

Entry 55, 1985

“Jesse… we have more work to do… Jesse let’s have some fun … look baby, I set you free… let’s do that Actor, you have the body, so you can seduce him and then when you are fucking… I will appear like a huge hard on he was never expecting… I get the cover down, we will throw him out the window into the alley… you are hot all the time, I can feel it and it is not always me… you shouldn’t mind…you act like a slut with COOOLLLLINN! I mean that in the nicest way… whorish is really hot… come on asshole let me out… or I will fight you and you know you hate what happens then… poor pitiful souls perish because you get me so angry I am out of control //// no XO for me… love the book prick! Did you like the movie… what a laugh, so PG… we could do Mark too… I know you would like that… that can be ALL you… Love the Diary Sister…Nancy’s was nice too. Did you love how I left it for you…never dreamed… never do. CFK”

Well I guess it is clear that Fred has found my journal, perhaps he has been reading it all along. New track…If you have been with me this long then you must have a reason to read this or it excites you or you are a cop… so grab your pencils we are going to be moving very fast now and not everything will be in order… some will be random and I will leave it to the wise ones among you to figure out. I now know how you like to talk and challenge each other… yes, I have seen Fangoria Magazine… like it… but really not my thing. What I mean is once you have lived it… it is like porn mags… does not do it for me… I like the real thing… I am sure one or two of you do too… but this is not a manual to follow… you would be caught within minutes… you can put on a mask and a glove but your are not Fred. You are just playing a game.

So the truth, I have told a few lies here to cover my guilt, make myself look better… so let’s get those out of the way first. When I told Colin I was a virgin… that was not totally true. I was a virgin in a certain way with a man (old habits die hard… I am still shy about some things, they are private). I did have sex with Lisa, once… she asked me too… so we could answer my gay question once and for all. Like I said before I can do it, be hard I mean but I did not care for it…. it left me feeling dirty and feeling like a liar… she understood. We did not use a condom, I came in her… so If she is alive and with child… knowing her… it is mine. Big lie number one see?

Next, I had sex with Mike but it was not nice, he forced me one night to have oral sex with him… he was kind of mean (that was the only time, he also slapped me a couple of times and once hit me with his fist and told me I was stupid for not hiding his stuff better). I reasoned he was having tough time with his Dad at home… I am not that stupid any longer and I know this abuse is why Fred killed him at the party.

Next, My Father was a sex offender… teenage girls… he had spent time in jail and therapy… that is why we moved so much. I am sure he never touched Angela or mom would have left him but Angela was young… sooner or later he would have and that we would have had to kill him for (me and mom). I am glad he is dead, I am sure he got what he deserved… Fred may have had a glove in his death.

Next, I am not a nice guy all the time; I am petty and very on my guard all the time. I was molested as a child by someone like Fred, maybe it was him… who knows. I can be violent if I need to be, like hitting that prick in the face with the rock at Northgate Prep. I know how to fight dirty, my dad taught me. I will cut you or bite you, pull you hair go for the eyes… all bets are off if you try to fuck with me. I was hazed and bullied and harassed into a corner… it was either die by suicide or fight. I fought, I am glad I did.

Next, I love Colin but I will never be faithful to him (nor he to me… it is not in our nature). I will respect him and act in quiet ways. We make a good team and I believe there is more to Colin than meets the eye. You get a double dose today so be prepared to read on. So I have lied but people are lying to you too. Fred is not funny, Fred is a vicious killer. I have questions about this and I think about it a lot. This is where we will move around and be tricky. Look at the museums; we build temples to art, why? Because artist project our desires and dream, fears for us… but mostly the soften the blow. To want to collect pieces of a film is normal, it is fun but the reality of Elm Street is more hellish than most of you imagine in your dreams… there are no rules… there are no do-overs, second takes… there is no camera, no audience, no appluse… no washing off the blood and going home to a nice meal… there is only death and destruction.

My paintings contemplate The Stations of the Cross on the road to Calvary. I have completed 11. I skipped the crucifixion because I am saving it … for Fred. I will live to paint him in death and then he will be just a rumor… a ghost story… something to make you jump at Halloween. But right now…in this moment… I have work to do… I am going to Kill Fred Krueger. It may take my entire life but I will kill him…I was chosen to do this. I waited for Nancy but I believe Nancy is dead. If Fred and I are the same soul… I will kill myself.

So with that terrible thought I go ahead and get dressed in my beautiful clothes and I go to lunch. I walk the streets and look at the beautiful people… knowing each of them is carrying there own slice of hell… I will just show their pain. I will bare his scars and show you the man. Join me, it will be thrilling and very bad.

Jesse’s Lost Journals

~ Preface ~

Jesse's Lost Journals
© by Mark Patton. All Rights Reserved.

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