After Henry left, I was alone and awake for the first day in ages. I now had time to think, no valium… just me.
It’s true that I was the reason we moved; to protect me… after I hit James Van Landingham in the face there was no staying where we were. The Van Landinghams run the town and school and my father’s company was dependent on them. So we moved to Springwood, a step down for sure but I think better for us as a family, until Freddy. Why did we have to walk into this mess? My Mother must be going crazy and of course I cannot reach out to her, she is not as strong as she appears and I worry.
My Father is tough so he will make it, as big an asshole as he is at times. When it comes to me and anyone trying to harm me or put me down, he will kill them… I wonder what the newspapers are making of them. Angela is probably with Gram so… she is eating cookies and unaware.
You may think that I am very calm, too calm and you would be correct but I am not cold or unfeeling, I am just tired. This has been a long month and I am exhausted. I feel safe here, Freddy is contained somewhat. No one is going to kill me, yet.
I do worry about prison and I wonder where they will put me. I am pretty sure I will be put on death row, so at least I will not be at the mercy of the prison population. I have watched enough TV to know that I would not be a virgin for long in that situation.
I miss Ron and Mike and Lisa… where is her body? I would talk to Fred about it but at the moment we are not speaking and I would like to keep it that way for a day or two… plus he will not tell me… anyway… perhaps she is lost in Nancy’s Dream World.
Nancy, I hope you hear me… I know it is a long shot but I saw his mind… you and I together is the answer… will you be able to find me, are you free or are you in a cell like this, drugged up and lost?
Has it crossed your mind that this is all a dream? It has mine but I know it is not… there won’t be any last minute wake up. This is the real world… who can say, I may be better off than some.
I included this photo as this is how I feel. Johnson promised books and pastels for tomorrow, so I can begin to draw again. I wrote a request to see my lawyer… I think they have to honor that… so two things to look forward to. Goodnight