My agent work me up this morning, patient he was practically screaming, I could barely understand him…. until he said Andy Warhol ordered two paintings at $10,000 dollars each! I mean the fact that he likes them, wants them but even pays for them has completely blown us away.
He chose the Orange painting, called “Have You Ever Seen a Dream Walking.” I have loved this song forever and strangely enough it scares me, these Sisters sing it… I think it is in the 1930’s or somewhere in that time. I envisioned that their father was insane. The painting is about rage… oddly it is very calm. I find that to be the case with me and with Fred; when the real rage appears, a calmness comes with it.
It hurt to sign my new name to the painting, I felt like I was betraying myself but I do believe this is the right thing to do. Andy also order a new painting, he ask that I paint a new self portrait based on the Dorian Gray Novel… forever young. Andy is not a creature of this world, I think he sees somewhat, Fred and I and our past but it seems he understands. I believe that is where artists are different than most, they accept the Dark and the Light each being true and looking without fear. Judgement at times, which is not bad… we judge, I judge many of our actions as wrong but not all. For example, Schneider. I was a student, young and at his mercy really… his intentions with me were foul, I think perhaps in the end he would have killed me… really, I have thought about this for sometime now… what would he do with me after the rape? Would he risk his life for this thrill, he was relaxed, calm even… see what I mean, he had done this before… but where are the boys? So I say his death was justified and good for us all. I lose no sleep over him. One day soon I will paint his death and people will be thrilled with the color… the color will be Revenge.
I spoke to Colin about finding something for Mark Patton, I do want to meet him, I am intrigued and this would be the safest way… of course I cannot let him know who I am. Colin laughed and said I am vain as he looks like me and perhaps I am attracted to myself… but he knows that is not true… Colin is the living proof. He suggested we wait until the film opens to choose the image as he has the ability to shoot at will, so we need no approval from Vogue, someone always buys his photos.
I wish he could capture Fred on film but it is far to dangerous for everyone and as I said before I will not lose Colin… I am tied to Fred but I would kill him in an instant were he to move against Colin and I now know how it can be done. I won’t write that down either it will be my little puzzle.
Tonight we celebrate, but first I buy, buy, buy! I saw fantastic coat at Barneys and it will complete my look for this year… goodbye to part of that $20,000 dollars!