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Jesse’s Lost Journal — by Mark Patton

Entry 43, 1982

When Fred and I were living in Central Park, we lived near the Rambles, a place where Gay Men look for sex. One night I was asleep in the bramble and a man tried to rob me. I was very scared and then in an instant Fred killed him. We made it look as if he was murdered in the rambles. It made all the newspapers “GAY MURDER IN CENTRAL PARK, SLICED AND DICED” (NY POST), but it covered our tracks. I did not feel bad about this as the man was a criminal and invaded my home, sad and humble as it was.

I did however contemplate death a lot at that time… each killing drags me in deeper. I would go each day to The Metropolitan Museum to look at one particular painting by Mark Rothko, the painting was Blood Orange and a red color that I can not explain. The painting seemed to have a pulse. It was soothing my death contemplation. I then found out it was the last of his paintings before he committed suicide.

This brings me to Stations of the Cross, if one day some person stands in front of Passion no.7, I am sure they will be overwhelmed with the feeling they should surrender themselves to someone and have hours of some really hot sex. I would consider myself a huge success.

I guess you figured out Colin is back from Thailand. He said the cut under my eye made me even more beautiful, I am glad he noticed. I think this will leave a scar.

Today we worked together on his shoot for Catwalk Horrors, the models were beautiful but of course they were made to look beaten down, the clothes… amazing, I am not sure how they were made and if they will appeal to anyone at this time but in the future people will point to this moment and say something changed… goodbye Disco, hello Rimbeau.

Of course there was a dead model nailed to the wall with the ropes, I just could not stop myself. I was very hot through out the entire shoot and I could feel that Charles wanted to let himself out… but not today and NOT tonight.

We talked about changing my name and Colin asked if I was hiding from someone, he said the cuts and scars made him believe that someone had been beating me perhaps a parent or a lover. I said no and then said “Colin, I was a virgin when I met you”… total silence….. I have no desire to know anyone else, I know I am young, I will not tell him this as it would be too much for him right now. I will just continue on as I have.

With “Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2” coming out, Jesse must disappear and tomorrow is the day. The name is the only secret I will keep from you friends but I will say if I told you… you would know me in a second.

Finally, I have been thinking about Nancy Thompson, why has she not found me… tonight is her easiest and perhaps last chance. Maybe she is like me and trying to make a new life, perhaps she is blind to the past. I know one day I will return to Springwood. I know Nightmares are happening at this moment but I cannot help… staying in my life and controlling Fred as I do is the best I have to offer today.

Jesse’s Lost Journals

~ Preface ~

Jesse's Lost Journals
© by Mark Patton. All Rights Reserved.

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