As I am walking home, I am stuck by how happy of unconcerned so many people on the street seem to be. I sometimes wish I could trade places with someone… but then again you never know what is really happening in a person’s life. If you look at me what do you see? Certainly not the reality of my life.
The idea came to me on that walk… just presented itself very simply. I know in my heart I have found my way out. The act itself will be complicated and will take some quick planning and a lot of luck but I feel in my soul… this is the way out. I deserve to be free of this monkey on my back.
When I get to the studio, I strip and slip into bed. The bed has become the safest place for me and I can allow my mind to roam free and put the puzzle together… forcing no piece into the wrong space.
I have not much time, I know my Fred and I must move rather quickly before he sees the truth about my plan. First step is to talk to Fred… which I will do this afternoon if he agrees… then the end has begun. I am sure he will as vanity has become his middle name. I wish I had Colin to help me with this… but it is clear I have to do this all alone. I do not want to get ahead of myself … so one step at a time… first Fred and then the next step is easy.