I am sitting with Lisa but I have gone far way and now I am in a place that I will try to describe to you. I call it the Middle Place… this is the loneliest place in the world… it is the foggy place between Fred and me. I can see Fred on the horizon in the mist… he is waving at me, he seems like a little lost child. I want to comfort him but to do so I must go deeper into the Middle Place and then I cease to exist.
I am a boy still and I am very sad… in this place you accept yourself as you are… there is no pretending, no posing… you have what you have… courage, weakness… it is a very honest place but unforgiving.
Sometimes I am so tired I want to surrender to Fred… in my heart I believed that no one would know or care… no one was watching me, looking for me to come home, concerned…
This new named boy does not live in the Middle Place… only little Jesse… but now I see in the distance a light, a way out… it is love that will bring me home.
Now I am back. Lisa is looking at me with those eyes… it is going to work out.
I tell her about Colin (she has done her homework…she knows a lot about him) and she tells me of her life… the daily simple things. I feel sleepy but good. I feel safe.