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Jesse’s Lost Journal — by Mark Patton

Entry 59, 1985

I am taking a train to the Princeton; I have not left Manhattan since I was locked up some years ago. As we left the island, yes, New York City (as you think of it, is an island) my mind wanders back to Springwood. I see things I do not want to remember… oh death.

New Jersey looks very peaceful but I am no longer the naive child I once was. I know there is a horror show going on behind every door we pass. Who knows what dreams are dreamed in those beds, what parent is drunk and unbelieving, sweet but ineffectual… closed-minded or just chooses not to see the hell around them. The children have no filter, the teenager no protection. Am I too dark for you?

OK…Everyone is happy… OK… feel better? Good… let’s pretend.

I am dressed down, trying to look like Jesse from home but I think that is no longer possible. I am a New Yorker now, those shoes, that shirt, the hair, the glasses… my attitude all announce I am from another solar system all together. I am an Art Star, I am rich, famous and no matter how I try to hide it, it shines though. That coupled with my scars, cuts and cropped hair… set me apart… so I just slip on my Persols and relax into who I am.

As the train pulls into the Princeton Station, I see her on the platform… she looks very much the same, very sweet, the preppy clothing, smiling to herself in anticipation and about 9 months pregnant… she is literally glowing. Standing alone waiting for me… inviting this horror show back into her life… suddenly I feel very dirty, lousy… what right to I have to even step off this train. But I will because I have too… I have to know the truth about what happened in Springwood.

I take comfort in the fact that I did not kill her. I stand, take off the glasses and walk down the stairs and into her arms.

Lisa and Jesse are home, together again.

Jesse’s Lost Journals

~ Preface ~

Jesse's Lost Journals
© by Mark Patton. All Rights Reserved.

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